you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
