Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
