Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
