remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night