I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.