i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.