my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal