3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
