I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
