My underwear smells like fireworks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.