im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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