It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
