sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
