i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
