My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
