so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
