A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
