All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
