I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize