I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
