On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just fell off a train. Bad.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
