I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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