when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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