hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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