Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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