You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
