One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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