1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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