yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
