i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
