The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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