I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
