Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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