you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
