Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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