I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
