We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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