I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
