I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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