Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
