I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
