go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
