Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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