im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize