Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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