Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
