so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
