no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
