You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
