tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
