Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
