I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
