is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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