"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
