Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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