ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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