I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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