we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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