he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
