Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
