Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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