Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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