I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
