Define "chronic" masturbator.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
