You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
