her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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