i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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