I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
