I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
