just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
not ubering you a puppy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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