Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
