i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
