To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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