there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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