I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
