As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
