sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
