I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that's an acceptable place to lick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need a burrito and a hug.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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