i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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