don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
