I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
