I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
