Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
